The first chapter of any book may arguably be deemed the toughest one to write since its author often has a hard time simply beginning from scratch. Staring at a blank screen is daunting enough. Add to that any anxiety of coming to the realization that in order to tell your story properly, you may have to come to terms with an upset family member or two on an ongoing basis.
Still to be my true authentic self, I would have to get used to the fact that this was going to be extremely uncomfortable. I would have to be vulnerable to a fault and describe actual events to the best of my ability. I purposefully decided to change all the names of family members mentioned, with the exception of one, for respect and privacy. I abbreviated my cover name as well so as not to bring obvious attention to any family residing in relatively small communities, where everyone knows each other to varying degrees. After all, I absolutely love and cherish every single member of my family, whether blood or not, and hope to protect them as much as possible.
I didn’t want it to be blatantly obvious who was in the book, though most of you have figured out my own identity by now. I also didn’t want the reader to feel I was hiding behind these pseudo names. It was simply out of respect for the family.
If you were to go back in time to re-live your own childhood memories, I would bet you may tend to focus on the more pleasant events instead of the less than comfortable ones. At least that was how I dealt with mine for many years. We cling to the happy times and often bury the heartbreaks of our youth. And let’s face it, growing up is challenging enough without adding a spiritually dysfunctional bloodline mantle (covering) that does its best to shadow your every move.
Before diving into the heart of “Supernaturally Dysfunctional,” I sat in prayer for days and days. Wondering if God could actually use my story to help anyone at all. Does this story even matter? I often asked Him, “Are you sure you want me to do this?” What possible difference could it make? What if no one reads it? I don’t want to share these personal experiences, they are far too painful. I don’t want to be continually vulnerable. That last statement. That was it in a nutshell. After decades of covering up my imperfections, I would have to be completely vulnerable and honest during the writing process in order for Him to be able to use me at all. Woohoo! Yay, me!
So, somewhat reluctantly, I climbed back up on the potter’s wheel secure in the knowledge that He would guide my steps.
Remembering that He would never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5) gave me great comfort and continually encouraged me to keep going.
I also told myself, that if nothing ever came of my writings, at least my children would know of their own family history. They may even find the grace needed to understand past behavior of their less-than-perfect mother or any of their known relatives. And that would be enough.
It is my prayer that as you peruse this chapter, you find the courage to think about your own past familial interactions, both good and bad, with a vulnerable intention. Perhaps a prayer or two asking the Lord to unveil any memory that may be hindering your spiritual growth.
You may discover underlying reasons for certain behaviors as you dig a little deeper into the past. That is why prayer is so important. When we sit silently before the Lord, He can bring past hurts and sins to light, beginning the healing process in our lives. It is absolutely amazing when it happens.
In total transparency, I can give you an example from my own childhood. I was a tomboy. I had short hair, thick glasses and was as skinny as a bean pole. I had zero self-esteem. I tried to blend into the background as much as possible so that I wouldn’t have to deal with people. No one on earth told me that I was ugly or unwanted, it was just a feeling that continually haunted me well into my early teen years. As you read chapter three, you may begin to understand why these feelings shadowed me while growing up.
This wasn’t mentioned to make the reader of this blog feel sorry for its author in any way. It’s merely an example of how the enemy can manipulate memories, develop strongholds, and take advantage of certain vulnerabilities. It is my hope that this book gives the reader tools to heal from past hurts and discover who they factually are in Christ Jesus.
*Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the gift of this day. We pray that you bless the reader of this blog with your divine wisdom and grace as we seek healing from painful memories. We often feel extremely vulnerable, as if we are the egg in the above picture, ready to be fractured beyond recognition. Help us to remember that your strength flows through us, staying the hand of the enemy and inhibiting any claim he thinks he has on our lives. We know that painful memories can no longer hurt us as we forgive anyone who had a hand in them, in Jesus' name. We intentionally let go of the past, refusing to dwell there, and look forward to a future filled with divine favor and possibility because of your unconditional love for us. Thank you, Lord, for loving us more than our finite minds can comprehend. In your holy name we pray, Amen*
“SUPERNATURALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL“ now available @tbn @amazon @amazonbooks @barnesandnoble @powellbooks @blackwellbooks @trilogychristianbooks @goodreads @walmart
Signed copies available from the author at sewoody16@gmail.com.
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